who is my number one priority? Eva. I am not thinking about her right now...well, I am always thinking about her when she is with me...but I mean in regards to the situation with Jeff. This can't happen... I can't let myself be tortured...I can't risk everything on a relationship that is so obviously doomed... the most important thing in a relationship is communication... and it's only been 2 months and we can't even communicate... and I am becoming a person I don't want to be...
What do I do? What am I supposed to do? I'm so lost, I'm so alone, I'm so torn... that's whats the worst...I'm torn... How can I let him treat me this way? I'm better than that, I'm worth more than that, and the person that loves me...especially the way he claimed to...needs to treat me with respect...and love, and cherish me...I want to die. This is hell. This is pure and utter hell. I don't want to let him go...but if he wont talk to me we are lost.
It's time to get ready for bed now...at least I have my tears blocker...Eva keeps me at least somewhat together...distracted...it's when she isn't around that I am at my worst...
I need him...I want him...I love him...he doesn't love me the same...I need to start to realize that.
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