I'm Bored

I get bored so easily. I need constant attention and affection b/c I get so bored...I was getting tired of juggling different boys...mediocre boys. It was nice only b/c I could get the constant attention, but no one was interesting enough...then Joshua came along. It was perfect for me, he is affectionate and so cute, funny, mature, weird therefore interesting...but...of course "but". There's no getting around the buts. With him there are so many too...but! Haha...even with all the little (some not so little) things that are screaming warning signs...I like him. He likes me too...or he's a good actor ;-P so what I don't get is why can't we just play things by ear? Because he's ready to get married...in Texas...after he gets out of the military...

So here's my dilema...I still want to see him. Do I force it? Do I keep talking to him anyway? Do I get him to see me this weekend? He'll be gone for a month after this weekend...it might be the last chance I get to see him...

I'm talking to myself here...no one reads these...and I know me...I'm going to push it. What do I have to lose? If I don't push it: I won't see him. If I do push it: maybe I won't see him anyway, but maybe I will. It's who I am...and I like who I am. One day...one day...one day someone else will too.

But I'm bored! I'm giving him a minute to change his mind on his own ;-P not holding my breath, but trying to just chill while I'm at work. It's proving difficult b/c I'm so bored...I want to talk to someone. Him specifically.

In other news I keep dreaming about Jeff...it's pissing me off...they are random dreams...more like memories. I found the silliest thing yesterday while moving. I found a piece of paper with Jeff's number on it from high school. I thought for a second about emailing him saying he really should snap out of his shit-hole and just be my friend. I mean...seriously...I'm awesome and we always had fun. But then I remembered about the psycho chick. And I changed my mind.

In non-boy related news...I'm getting to be broke. I need to pick up shifts. I just picked up a Saturday night shift...I'm not stoked that it's the night shift on a Saturday and then I work Sunday morning...lame. I just spent some money on camera stuff, but I'm really wanting to get serious about it.

School is starting soon...I need that to go really well. One more year if I can floor it and really pack in the units. I want to add either a photography or dance class if I can find the time (time?time? Oh Cory...you're so optimistic! And a little crazy!)