My tum tum hurts. I haven't been treating it well. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to keep up this crazy life-style. Staying up too late, drinking too much...but I'm lonely. And horny...
I've been meeting and hanging out with a lot of boys lately...but none of them have been able to tempt me. None of them are a potential relationship. Only one came close to a tempting place...but that was only b/c I knew from the start that I couldn't have him. And then there's /that/ one. The love is gone there, but I'm still in mourning. I wish that when your heart breaks there could be a way to erase all the memories of that love. With most of them I wouldn't want to, the memories are fine, good, true. But with this one...all the possitive, all the love...was a lie. It was all a lie. I want to forget I was dumb enough to believe. I want to forget I was happy, b/c now I am so ashamed. Ashamed that I fell for it, ashamed that I let him lie to me...ashamed that I loved him. The love is gone now, but the memories remain. I can't get away from those.
I'm so tired...I need to sleep. I'm going to only think how nice it is to be alone in my super comfortable and beautiful bed. Goodnight world...it may be morning...but I am leaving this world for a moment of peace. Don't let my dreams haunt me. Though dreams are more real than the reality he fed me...let me sleep a dreamless sleep. Goodnight.
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