I'm worried. I'm hurting. I thought I wasn't letting myself feel this way again...but I like someone. I'm...I'm afraid I might be falling for someone. I know why I am too...because it's the safest. He's deploying in October, moving back to Texas when he gets out. It could never be /more/...but I'm considering only seeing him...since I met him I have been ignoring other boys...but that's dangerous...and...I'm just nervous...I don't want to hurt...ever again...I never want to fall in love...the movies and songs tell such a pretty story...but I just...I can't let myself believe. I don't believe...
- Cory (from the phone)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Just go away
Why is your girlfriend texting me? Why is she telling me you have my FB password? Why are you checking up on me? I'm so tired of this. I just want you out of my life. You're a bad person, a bad influence. And yet I still feel something for you. That's why I need you to leave me alone. I just want to forget you. Just let me forget you! Leave me alone. Here I am talking to you. As if you were listening. As if you still cared. I know you don't. So tell the Bitch to leave me alone. And if you have anything to say, if you want to know what's going on with me...go ahead and ask. Otherwise...leave me alone.
- Cory (from the phone)
- Cory (from the phone)
Monday, June 7, 2010
My Tummies
My tum tum hurts. I haven't been treating it well. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to keep up this crazy life-style. Staying up too late, drinking too much...but I'm lonely. And horny...
I've been meeting and hanging out with a lot of boys lately...but none of them have been able to tempt me. None of them are a potential relationship. Only one came close to a tempting place...but that was only b/c I knew from the start that I couldn't have him. And then there's /that/ one. The love is gone there, but I'm still in mourning. I wish that when your heart breaks there could be a way to erase all the memories of that love. With most of them I wouldn't want to, the memories are fine, good, true. But with this one...all the possitive, all the love...was a lie. It was all a lie. I want to forget I was dumb enough to believe. I want to forget I was happy, b/c now I am so ashamed. Ashamed that I fell for it, ashamed that I let him lie to me...ashamed that I loved him. The love is gone now, but the memories remain. I can't get away from those.
I'm so tired...I need to sleep. I'm going to only think how nice it is to be alone in my super comfortable and beautiful bed. Goodnight world...it may be morning...but I am leaving this world for a moment of peace. Don't let my dreams haunt me. Though dreams are more real than the reality he fed me...let me sleep a dreamless sleep. Goodnight.
I've been meeting and hanging out with a lot of boys lately...but none of them have been able to tempt me. None of them are a potential relationship. Only one came close to a tempting place...but that was only b/c I knew from the start that I couldn't have him. And then there's /that/ one. The love is gone there, but I'm still in mourning. I wish that when your heart breaks there could be a way to erase all the memories of that love. With most of them I wouldn't want to, the memories are fine, good, true. But with this one...all the possitive, all the love...was a lie. It was all a lie. I want to forget I was dumb enough to believe. I want to forget I was happy, b/c now I am so ashamed. Ashamed that I fell for it, ashamed that I let him lie to me...ashamed that I loved him. The love is gone now, but the memories remain. I can't get away from those.
I'm so tired...I need to sleep. I'm going to only think how nice it is to be alone in my super comfortable and beautiful bed. Goodnight world...it may be morning...but I am leaving this world for a moment of peace. Don't let my dreams haunt me. Though dreams are more real than the reality he fed me...let me sleep a dreamless sleep. Goodnight.
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