Livejournal

I found my old livejournal from when I was about 18/19...it was amazing to read. It was different from reading my personal journals, I think because it had the possibility of another person reading it, so it wasn't as strange and stupid sounding, the way I can often get when writing to myself ;-)

It had a lot of posts that were specifically geared toward Jeff because we were seeing each other at that time, and it had some stories that I had written for him...I'm so thankful that I was able to see those after all this time. I think that journalling and blogging and etc are wonderful things for so many reasons. For memory's sake, for therapy, and for me, as a writer, it's great practice. Just writing. Writing anything is a practice in good writing. It made my day. And it just added to the bliss that was today and contributed to the way I've been starting to feel (again) about Jeff, with Jeff. I love him. He is my Ross, my Edward, my Noah...enough examples? He's my soulmate. We have been going back and forth in love (and lust) for ten years now, but something that has never changed is our attraction to each other. Not physical, cosmic. We are drawn to each other and we always have something. Our lives have been so disjointed, seperately and together, that it seems the world has never let us really /be/ together. I want to be together now, and I never want to be apart again.

If a future me reads this, 6 years from now, maybe more...I think that no matter the outcome I will be reminded that there was (hopefully is) a Jeff in my life. If he was, then I won't think that what we had was a sham, or that it was all a figment of my imagination, something it itsn't. I'll know it was. And that is enough. If he is, then I will remember the day when things finally started between us, the day the stars alligned and brought us finally to the place we were meant to be. I love him.

That is all for now.


- Cory (from the phone)